Exercise 3.2

How I See My Positive and Negative Traits

Purpose

This is the second exercise in the series of four designed to help you examine your self-perceptions. In this one, our purpose is to examine our personal positive and negative traits. Note this is different from our strengths and weaknesses, which we will get to in the last exercise. Doing this exercise and the others in this series, aids development of key fundamental awareness skills whether your goal is personal or spiritual development.

Duration

30 to 40 minutes (create list 10 min. and 20 to 30 minutes to consider the list)

Prerequisites

Exercises:

Ex. 3.1: Describing Ourselves from Two Views

Background

In this exercise, we will continue on our journey of self-examination and self-awareness. We will refine what we did in the previous exercise by turning our attention to what we identified about ourselves and perhaps some we did not consider at that time. In this case, we will examine more of the foundation thoughts we have about ourselves.

Our view of ourselves tells us a great deal about how we think as opposed to what we tend to imagine being true. We generally create a rational mind in such a way that it avoids or downplays things that could make us look bad or feel weak and focuses on what makes us look better or show our strengths. It may do so even if it has to make up "stories" to support our beliefs about or how we try to view ourselves.

We can build up thoughts around what we believe to be true and not what is actually the case. To grow past these falsehoods the first thing we need to do is become aware of them. In this exercise, as in the previous one, we are going to make two lists. After completing them we will examine them to consider what we wrote as well as what we did not write down and why we may have done so. In addition, by looking at our descriptions of ourselves, we can consider whether we were honest or not. We may also notice that there are aspects of ourselves that are absent, some of which are ones we do not want to acknowledge. As before, these things may be symptoms of underlying issues, but are are not the issues themselves.

Remember the following:

This is not a test.
Be as relaxed as you can to start and throughout the exercise.
Be as open and objective as you can.
Try to write the first things that come to mind.
Try to notice when you hesitate to write the first thing that comes to mind for any reason (it is wrong, silly, not me at all etc.).
Wordiness is not a shortcoming.
Try not to get sidetracked.
Try to limit your answers to one page, though if it takes more so be it.

Method

1. Find a place to do the work, one where you will feel comfortable and relaxed.

2. Divide a blank page into two columns. The headings of the columns are “My Positive Traits” and “My Negative Traits”. For this exercise, we are developing a list of what we see as our positive and negative traits or attributes. This does not mean that they necessarily are positive or negative, just that we view them as such. The table below has some examples of what are commonly considered to be positive traits. Refer to it to give you ideas of the kind of traits you may want to note about yourself. I am providing a list to make it easier for you to get started on your list. Both the titles of the columns and the traits listed are simply a guide or starting point. Also, traits that appear in one column can apply in another.

You can use the below table to help you work on your list. Later on you will look at the items you put in your list and try to determine whether they should go in the positive or negative trait columns by asking yourself if you have the trait or not. This will enable you to put them in the appropriate column. Again, the intent of the list is to give you examples of what I am referring to rather than to be a comprehensive list of all attributes/traits. You will think of traits that are not in the list below; use them if they are appropriate. If you do then create your own table of areas and traits.

Table of areas (columns) and traits/attributes (rows)

3. Layout your table of traits as in the following example:

4. Relax as best as you can before you start. This way you will be more objective and will reduce the tendency to note points that correspond to moods or to have our moods affect our points. While this can be useful to analyze a particular feeling, at this stage we want to get as broad a view of ourselves as possible. Later exercises will cover topics that will help you get to an objective and neutral space, something very useful when working on particular issues. In the mean time, simply try to be as spontaneous and honest as you can when you are writing down your points under each column.

5. Pick a column in your table of areas and traits to start in then go through the trait/attribute in that column and ask yourself if you have the trait and consider it positive or negative. Write down the first thoughts that come to mind in the appropriate column based on (a) and (b) below. Try to not scribble out points you do not like as what you wrote may very well lead to things you should pay attention to. If you have thoughts about or emotional reactions to them make a note of it. Examples of this would be if you felt that particular point was not the right word or inaccurate or made you uncomfortable and so on.

a. The “My Positive Traits” column:

The objective is to get at our personal view of ourselves. If, for example, we believe friendliness, diligence and being helpful to others are positive qualities we should enter them in this column. If we believe being friendly is a weakness, hence a negative, it should go into the other column. Do try to write without editing the first thought(s) that come to mind and note any hesitancy, reluctance or uncertainty. It an also help to include any details or circumstances that come to mind related to the point you are noting. While this exercise may not seem to have much value it is important to do this exercise to not only identify aspects of us to work on, but also ones to keep doing. Doing this also helps us develop our objectivity, honesty and self-awareness.

b. The “Negative Traits” column:

The objective is to get at what we believe are negatives about ourselves. Again, we are not concerned here with what is actually negative about us, only on what we think is. We want to learn about our thoughts and feeling about ourselves. as it helps us find ideas or beliefs that are incorrect or a hindrance. This helps us know what to work on. What affects us is not just what is a negative trait in the eyes of others but also what we feel is a negative trait.

For example, generally being nice to people would be viewed as a positive trait; however, some may view this as a personal weakness and not as a strength. Hence, it is not just having a negative trait that affects us; our personal thoughts about what is positive or negative do as well. Being aware of this when we examine ourselves helps us see how our beliefs about ourselves affect our thoughts, choices and actions. Further, we can learn about particular issues by examining our thoughts around it.

What you write down is for your knowledge and understanding alone. Being as objective as possible helps us get to know ourselves and what you write will help you do this. The purpose is to help us notice how we see ourselves and discovering the subjective nature of our thoughts and our way of viewing ourselves is all part of the process. Doing this set of exercises over time will take you down the path towards better objectivity and improve your powers of observation.

Remember, the goal is to start to notice how we perceive ourselves and not to be too concerned with why we do so or in judging whether this is beneficial or good for us. You can note these things if you have time and are so inclined as they can help when you start to contemplate your list of traits. As you do this exercise over a period, in conjunction with your developing awareness, the focus will naturally shift from merely noting aspects of ourselves to delving into and actually working on them.

Your page should have points such as below:

The results you get from any exercise are dependent on what you put into them. The true value of this set of exercises is in developing one’s skills at objectivity, sensitivity and observation. We benefit greatly by working on our objectivity, notably in regards to ourselves. We already observe the world and do so continually. The skill we seek to develop here is to start to notice how we observe.

Observation is not simply perception; a process divorced from personal valuation or interpretation. Our rational minds process what we observe before we become consciously aware of it. This and the other exercises in this question help us see how have we programmed our rational mind it to do for us, how it affects our perception and we can even get at why have we done so? We want to become neutral observers as this helps us notice what we previously have not as this helps us to reduce the tendency to process our experiences (our perceptions of them) based on notions that in many cases are false or outdated.

Follow-up

After the exercise read what you wrote down one column and one line at a time, it does not matter which column you choose. As you read, do the following:

Do not change what you wrote after the fact.
Consider what you wrote
Monitor your feelings and thoughts as you read it
Note your reaction to it separately so they are not mistaken for your original responses.
Ask yourself if the point is accurate and pay attention to how you feel as you ask

After reading through all the items in both columns, the next step is to consider our responses as a whole.

Look to see if you avoided, focused on or glossed over any areas
If you have already tried the Honesty Table, apply what you learned there to what you noted here.
In cases where you were not accurate, remember that it is just as important to acknowledge that your answer was not accurate as it is to know what the “correct” answer should have been.
Look at your answers and ask yourself, “Are these the qualities the kind I would like to have?”

The efforts you are putting into this exercise will, in conjunction with the other steps you are taking, help you to growth and develop yourself. These exercises and others that follow are part of our process of self-examination. The goal is to expose those aspects of ourselves that we may have overlooked, ones that cause us issues so we can then focus on and resolve them. We cannot fix what we do not see and it is difficult to benefit from the better aspects of ourselves that we do not acknowledge.

You will get as much out of this exercise as you put into it. If you do it haphazardly then your results will reflect this. We do not have hundreds of issues; we have a number of core issues that manifest in hundreds of ways. We fix our issues with honesty, for example, by learning to understand, work through and resolve the reasons why we lie. We get at our reasons by examining and exploring our dishonesty without judging ourselves for what appear to be errors of the past. Be positive even though you may want to judge yourself, for self-judgments will not benefit you. We do not beat up on ourselves for our ignorance as this tends to increases our reluctance and resistance to growth.

When you do your review, give extra consider to any points you edited, or questioned. Try to understand why you did so, or at least how you justified the point. We are not looking for right or wrong, only our perception. As before, we should have a dialogue with ourselves by questioning ourselves on our responses. If you are doing any of these exercises well you should have quite a few good and animated discussions with yourself about what you wrote down and what you think about it.

We want to know what we perceive as positive and negative qualities as well as whether we see these qualities in ourselves or not. This is important to note for a variety of reasons. For instance, we may act as if we had a certain quality we believe is a positive trait but do not actually have it or we may want qualities to be one of our positives, but do see us having it. Both tell us a great deal about ourselves, and this is the purpose of this set of exercises.

==> Continue to Ex. 3.3: What I Believe Others See As My +'ve and -'ve Traits

==> Return to Ex. 3.1: Describing Ourselves From Two Views

Last updated April 29, 2022