Personal Growth
One of the fundamental truths about the Cosmos is that everything changes. We can no more avoid change than we can breathing. The only thing we can do about it is allow it to happen to us or take some ownership over and an active role in it. If you are on this site it is likely you are doing the latter and curious about, interested in or intend to work on your own personal and/or spiritual growth.
The common view of personal growth it is something that it helps us become better people and makes dealing with life and its inherent challenges easier so that we live more balanced and happier lives. The view of spiritual growth is that it helps us connect more fully with and be in greater harmony with themselves and the Cosmos as a whole (or what many would refer to as God/Creator). The two types of growth may seem to be mostly separate but they are directly tied to and inseparable from each other. The way they are tied is that when we do personal growth we invariably grow spiritually as well and we cannot get far spiritually without having or developing the qualities that come from personal growth.
Right now, in this section, we are focused on personal growth; however, the goal is to not just build a foundation for personal growth but also one that helps us with our spiritual growth. In the previous section we looked at some core concepts about ourselves. They are very relevant to both type of growth though it may not appear so. Having a better understanding of our basic aspects is extremely helpful.
For example, we will be looking at honesty in this section. Honesty significantly affects the nature and kind of thoughts we hold. Understanding more about such things as the nature of our mind, the thoughts within them and our emotions helps us to understand how our honesty affects them. With this knowledge we can start to see the impact our level of honest has on us and our lives so we can work on ours level and make better choices.
Getting Started
How does one go about making the decision to develop oneself, to grow within? This question has as many answers as there are people. No reason will provide the impetus to do this as they are as varied as people are. For instance, one may want to do a little self-improvement, a series of problems may arise or perhaps one experienced a significant event that has been a trigger to grow, or we simply feel driven to it from within. The key element in moving forward is the intent to do so as moving forward without it is difficult.
One might feel that when serious issues arise one simply goes about trying to resolve and fix it; however, it is not so simple. The statement presumes someone has a good awareness of the problem and either the intent or the ability to find it need not find or develop it. If one is serious they should be able to "get their heads around" their issues, but what about those who find getting started difficult?
There are ways that those who struggle with their intent and one of the simplest and most effective is for them to begin planting seeds for tomorrow. We do this by setting up a thoughts process similar to this “I will develop the intent, and I will be work on myself to fix the problem”. This one act does start the development of one’s intent to grow.
Some may argue that such a statement does nothing. I would argue this is simply not so. For one thing if we does nothing then nothing will happen. For another, over time the thought itself, if continually repeated, reduces our internal resistance to it and increases the likelihood of we will act on it. One single thought alone, if we commit to it, can lead to amazing changes as I explain in the essay One Thought, which is found in the next section (2B Personal Development).
Commitment is an act of will that comes from within. Using it will help 'other aspects of you' to find ways to manifest change. The key lies is in truly accepting and embracing that you need and want to grow. Even if you struggle with finding the will to follow through completely or consistently being open to it is a lessening of resistance. It can help to not focus on the end a goal that may seem unattainable and just take one step and then another.
As we saw in the essay Intent and Desire (1) the desire to grow alone is rarely enough for most people unless the push is strong enough. It also needs to be directed. The intent can be triggered by life circumstances that are causing us problems we recognize we need to address. Examples of some things that can trigger it are:
- A general restlessness in life
- The feeling or thought that we have lost control of our life
- Feelings of sadness or listless
- Psychological or health problems that persist
- Monetary problems
- Issues between ourselves especially those that escalate
- Experiencing more than occasional lower emotions or having emotional problems
- Relationship problems or separations
- Lack of fulfillment or “happiness” when we get what “we thought would make us happy”
- Negative Influences or events that have become repetitive or cyclic
These examples, some which can be very traumatic, should be sufficient to trigger the awareness that we have a challenge to resolve. Surprisingly they are often not reason enough. Anger, denial, blame and guilt can often keep us from focusing on ourselves as the root of the problem. The true change comes when one begins to realize the factor “I” plays in our experiences.
Personal will, and not will power, plays an enormous role in developing the requisite intent and desire. Without them it is less likely we will recognize that the issues stem from us or have the desire and strength to work on them. With them, we can begin to recognize, rationally, that we as individuals are at the heart of our own problems. We may also notice one or more of the following:
- We notice issues have “triggers” that illustrate the problems are not external (only the trigger is).
- Chronic or negative conditions (or feelings) that “do not seem to go away”
- There is escalation or increased frequency of issues without “any apparent cause”
persistent discomfort or restlessness - We struggle to calm down once lower emotions arise and may even be unable to do so at all
Choosing a direction
If you have gotten this far in the material on this site then you are, at the very least, interesting in doing some personal and/or spiritual growth or have realized the need to. This alone is a significant step and what's next is setting about doing so. ow to go about doing it is not a trivial matter. Having decided to work on ourselves we encounter more questions such as what to do and which direction to take. Uncertainty, a variety of fears about growth including dealing with old issues that make us uncomfortable or seeing no clear path forward or ways to resolve our issues can make answering these questions harder.
Our uncertainty, fears and even reluctance to do something about our challenges or issues, even when we know we need to, are as understandable as they are consequential. All of these concerns can affect our ability to listen to our "inner voice" that can help us make the decisions we need to in order to actual start doing what we need to do. It is a challenge that grows when what what we think or see we need to do conflicts with needs and wants that we have already developed in our lives. For example, even if we are unhappy with our job or it may be holding us back in various aspects of our lives we can be very reluctant to quit it or take a cut in pay to take a different path. We may also be risk adverse when the risk we need to take is the very things we need to be happier and find more balance in our lives.
How we go about working on ourselves is not a trivial matter. Looking out into the world, we see many ways to go about it and how we do so has a huge impact on how successful we will be. Given all the choices we rightly must make a decision on which method or methods are right for us. The answer to this question is not one I can answer though I can say that each of us has to start by looking within ourselves rather than without for it.
There are many potential influences on how we may choose to proceed. Obviously our personal beliefs and the views that we have come to hold as we have gone through life; however, these are not the only one. Some of the most significant ones are foundational such as the belief systems be they religious or cultural that we were raised in and those we were raised with. On top of these are the influence of our friends and significant other (if we are in a relationship). One of the biggest of them all is our temperament. By this I am referring to such things as our willingness to open up to and our trust of others or our trust of them or whether the methods we are considering are ones we are comfortable with. Of course we also need to be mindful that we can be reluctant to use a method that is actually best for us due to preconceptions or biases about them.
We can do a lot of the work on our own but if we decide we need outside help our biases can lead to choose someone who uses a method that our background and our beliefs. They can influence whether we seek help or not and the kind of assistance we look for, be it from psychologists, psychiatrists and counselors (of various types) to self-help groups, services available through ones church or other organization all the way to seeking guidance from psychics.
We can benefit from any one of the methods I mentioned. If we choose to get outside help we should do some research into what reputable services are available. Once we find one that "feels right" for us we also need to be comfortable with whomever we will be working with. We may even have used someone in the past and should dismiss using them if they have helped us in the past. However, we should not let a past choice stop us from supplementing our efforts or seeking other methods beyond those that may seem like a fit.
Uncertainty does not need to inhibit us in growth not even if we have struggled to resolve our challenges in the past or prefer to work on our challenges ourselves. We can choose to focus on working on what our life presents to us on a daily basis and - one bit at a time. This path may not quickly resolve our bigger issues, but pretty much every one of us has personal issues or aspects of ourselves we would like to change and can. For example, modifying certain behaviors such as rudeness, selfishness or anger even in part so we act in these ways less often is progress. While such first steps may appear small and insignificant nothing could be further from the truth. What we are doing is laying a foundation and setting a trend of success that will lead us further along our path. We start any journey with a single step.
Our issues and challenges also show up in our auras (auric or energy field) as they reflect the overall energy of our thoughts and emotions. Our emotions arise from our thoughts and if our thoughts are "negative" and our minds messy lower vibration energy comprise a significant portion of our auric field. I am sure most can easily grasp this but perhaps not how a messy mind contributes to our challenges.
When it comes to the impact of a messy mind imagine our mind as a huge mansion. Over the years we accumulate mistaken notions and "junk thoughts" but do not do regular maintenance of it so rather than having the freedom to roam the mansion at will we spend our lives in one or two rooms that are also fairly full of junk. When we start to let go of things of no consequence, reduce our issues and start to train and "order our minds" better we regain our freedom and the house begins to open up to us again.
A clearer, unrestrained mind has access to greater untapped resources and will begin to use them. By doing this we find ourselves having more new ideas, intuitions and energies we may not have felt before and unexpected opportunities will also start to surface. Also, a clearer mind is far more likely to recognize those that are to our benefit, those that will aid us in development and living a better life.
There is one significant point I would like to make at this time. This point is that often those who begin to step outside of broadly accepted beliefs believe that in order to progress a teacher or mentor is required. One prominent or common belief is that their knowledge will increase our level of comfort and confidence as well as give us new insights. Of course this can happen yet inside each of us are the answers and truths that we seek. We do not need a teacher to progress. Sure, there are times in our lives when we will walk with those who assist or guide us, but there are times when we go it alone... and we need to.
We cannot wait for a teacher and make them the necessary piece of the puzzle we need to move forward. If we say, “I need a teacher to grow” we may well be waiting for one our whole life. Let your mentor be the world around you, your own life experiences and your inner self, which we start to access when we practice mindfulness and meditation. We all get unexpected help when we need it, even though the form of it often goes unrecognized. Treat every experience and the feelings and thoughts you have as your teacher.
Our desire and intent alone are often sufficient to set up opportunities. We attract influences based on where we are right now. As the old saying goes, though the context of this statement is different than what I am using it in here, "From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs." The meaning in this context is that when we tend to get what we can use to grow now. What helps us manifest this in our lives almost more than anything else is our making it a goal to start to notice opportunities to learn and grow by paying more attention to what our experiences are telling us. Getting to “Knowing Thyself” is and has always been the best path to personal power and harmony.
There is another old saying that has value, that statement is “seek and ye shall find”. The immense value of simply making the decision to search and follow it up with action cannot be overstated. This act is a powerful enabler. Use your beliefs as a guide. Follow what feels right, rather than simply what others have said is right. Examine your beliefs critically; try to notice how they affect your actions, and how the actions re-enforce the beliefs. There are real benefits to understanding more about the mechanisms of our own minds. A big aspect of the writings on this site is to help you discover and learn more about the mind how as this will help you on your journey.
© 2009 Allan Beveridge
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Last updated June 10, 2021